I don’t know what sort of founder you are or what you are looking for. I have been a founder and am currently an exec at an early stage startup. There is close to zero value in talking to other early stage founders most of the time. I never cared about the “startup scene” because it’s complete irrelevant to my company. Can you get me customers or engineers? That’s all I cared about. I am curious what you hope to get out of these convos.

All the founders I know (warning - not many, so take it with the grain of salt) a) don’t waste time on mingling with random people b) more than happy to chat and connect with anyone with a specific goal explained upfront. As long ad this goal is relevant to their current or future work.

“Bouncing off ideas” or “coffee chat” may sound not like a waste of time only if your work is very relevant to other founder’s work (like you are a head of competing product, or a professional with unique skillset they are looking for).

People are busy building things.

Take this with a grain of salt, because I'm an academic, not an entrepreneur.

That said: when I was younger, being a nerd was uncool. To out yourself as one was to take a social risk, and it makes sense that tight-knit communities formed.

These days, entrepreneurship and the tech industry have acquired something of a social cachet -- perhaps because there's boatloads of money in it now. I've read that "geek nights" have attracted a bunch of hangers-on, who like to talk big but haven't necessarily invested their time into learning anything difficult.

Whether fairly or not, you're probably being taken for such a person.

I've been in an analogous situation, and it sucked. I feel for you. That said, to echo what others have said -- if you're going to try to make cold contacts like this, you probably need to either lead with a specific request, or else approach in such a way that makes it clear that you're bringing something interesting to the table.

Why are skilled people not willing to, in the best case, perform free labor, and in the worst case, expose themselves to multiple physical and non-physical risks?

People love to talk about themselves and what they're doing. I don't think there's any barrier; if you know the right way to approach these conversations, they'll dump ideas on you.

I believe it might be selection bias. Founders who are building things are not joining networking events. I tend to avoid co-working spaces too ever since I realized it's full of the people I block on Facebook.

There's people who bounce ideas, and then there's some form of idea tire kicking. They talk about how vibe code is the future and going to change how we live and work, but they have never downloaded an AI IDE. These people are there to kick ideas around all day and they'll pay for a co-working space so they can kick their ideas at strangers and ignore all feedback. It's exhausting and it's possible that you might be viewed as one of those people.

Some of the comments in this thread actually highlight the crux of this issue: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43957010

I don't want to be sold to, I don't want anyone trying to dump my brain either. Let's say you are a total stranger and wanted to meet with me, there are 2 things that will interest me. 99% my interests. 1% you are doing something amazing. The thing is most people think they are doing something amazing, but most people don't find it so and it doesn't match their interest. Instead of trying to meet folks, put what you are working on out there and let people try to meet you, they will try to if they find it interesting enough.

Would you respond to cold emails and out-of-blue LinkedIn messages?

Next time, ask if they do one-off consulting meetings, and offer to pay for their time.

What cities did you go to ?

I know of only 2 places for this : SF, and Canggu. I've lived in Paris, London, Cambridge(UK), NYC : there are obviously also founders there, but they're too spread out.

Try offering money for a consultation. They don’t have any reason to speak to you.

You don’t get to hang out with the cool kids unless you bring something to the table. Looks, money, or influence what’s your currency?

> nerd out about startups

I'm not building anything, but I'm happy to "nerd out" about startups. Will you meet me?

What's in it for them? From the perspective of local founders, perhaps nothing?

The startup scene is a business scene. The core value of business scenes is trust and adding business value is the core reason for collaboration.

Good luck.

TL;DR - Learn from each other. Pay it forward. It's not a zero sum game! :)