I did not set out to write an enjoyable, well-crafted narrative satirical sci-fi short, complete with escalating story arc and subplots of political intrigue, possible murder-for-hire solicitation (and more!) nor did I really expect my reply to put an end to the incessant sms spam I'd been receiving for a decade+; I just wanted to amuse myself as a distraction from more pressing matters.

He may be underestimating the potential market for insect and cephalopod derived personas. Lonely Cronenberg/Lovecraft fans are the tip of the iceberg. Dress one up in a suit and you might find them in the pages of FT or WSJ in short order.