In Kolkata where I was born but didn't grow up, this is called "Adda" culture[1] at coffee houses. I guess in Germany they would call this Kaffeekränzchen. Super interesting how this pops up organically in most urban settings. Would love to join a new movement around this in my town.
[1]: https://www.telegraphindia.com/my-kolkata/places/from-colleg...
Every Friday night, a bunch of us friends (usually men) get together, and have dinner at some local joint.
We actually interact with each other at other times, during the week, but the Friday dinner is kind of special.
I'm fortunate to be involved in an organization that includes a great deal of interaction with others, but I know that the norm for men my age, is sitting on the recliner, remote in hand.
As a German: the answer is IMHO in the pub culture you can find in UK and Ireland.
A socially accepted central meeting place where people can go and talk to each other. Of course also to eat and drink.
It's the social glue there and has a very very old history there.
I worked in Nuremberg for a while and was kindly invited along to the English Stammtisch which at the time was in different bars on a few nights throughout the month. Lots of English people but also lots of German folk who wanted to work on their English language skills. I made some good friends on those boozy nights and tons of fascinating conversations were had.
A type of third place: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place
In the U.S. the name Stammtisch has often been co-opted by German-speaking clubs. I myself helped usher the Philadelphia one through a low point 20 years ago. They are much bigger now, with at least 4 weekly meeting around the Philly area (I have since moved out of the area):
I meet with a few men every 6 or 7 weeks in a similar fashion to a Stammtisch. We talk about nothing and everything. It’s more about creating the space for things to come out than any individual meeting.
I’m gradually finding that my mission in life may be to fight the widespread atomization we all feel by any means necessary.
Don’t you already need to know the people before you are part of the Stammtisch?
That means you already aren’t lonely you just have a common spot in a pub with your friends - HIMYM vibes incoming.
> It seemed like a typical bar hang — until one of the guys planted a little flag on the table: an insignia for their group. That seemed a bit odd: Why do these pals have a flag? Turns out, this was no random meetup for a pint. It was a Stammtisch.
"It was a Stammtisch" doesn't explain why there was a flag placed on the table other than that maybe it's common for a flag to be part of this kind of gathering group. But still....why? There are plenty of groups that meet regularly. It's unusual to plant a flag like that. Book clubs, bridge game meetups, regular pints with a friend group (that isn't a Stammtisch), Sunday brunch group, etc. None of these kinds of groups plant flags.
There's a fun German pub here in Portland, OR called Stammtisch.
This was also a thing in Alsace (France), under the same name. However I only ever heard of it from my mother, as it is was a thing people did when she was young, but isn't a thing anymore since decades. Maybe in a few villages?
I heard about these decades ago when studying German in college. Always wondered how the bar/pub deals with these. Is there one stammtisch per establishment? Otherwise it seems like a place could be full of groups not "turning over tables" in the metaphorical sense.
This article really hits home. I've experienced the same struggle with loneliness in a new city. The idea of a structured social gathering, like a Stammtisch, makes a lot of sense. Maybe I should find a local group or even start one myself.
Cool idea. Wonder how it could be adapted to include those who don't drink (already too many social events revolving around drinking IMO).
Many cultures have similar socially sanctioned practices;
Adda: The secret to Bengali conviviality - https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20210812-adda-the-secret-...
That's a nice thing to have. Although since marriage and especially child birth I usually need to fight for loneliness instead. Maybe I'll do it when I'm old, you know, alone.
Dumb American moment: I once visited Germany for a conference in Munich. My hotel was out in a rural town on the train line. One night my colleagues and I walked out the door for an adventure and into the first restaurant we found, a tiny little place.
We sat down at the Stammtisch.
The waitress kindly told us that we should move. Then everybody in the place was kind of cold to us, until someone picked up from our conversation that we were from the US. The waitress tentatively asked: "Are you Americans?" Yes. "Oh, we thought you were English." All of the sudden the whole place warmed up to us, and they even brought us complimentary glasses of the house liqueur, which I can tell you was quite potent.
I don't know why they liked Americans better than English, and we didn't press the matter.
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People with friends, wives and children having to "fight loneliness". lol
I live in PNW right now, and man, oh man, I dearly miss even a watered down version of a "3rd place bar culture" of the east coast. Would be so awesome to have a designated place to just have a drink and chat with your neighbours. There are bunch of coffee shops, but most people are free in the evening. And getting just a tiny bit loose and shooting the shit is definitely more of a bar thing.
I know financially it would never make sense, but having a local pub with extremely cheap membership ($5/month) with discounts to the neighbourhood residents (maybe based on postal code on your ID?) would do wonders to me. Use that tiny bit of cash to host small events, advertise it as the meeting place for anyone who wants to come, be a bit strict against unruly people who makes others uncomfortable... I can only dream!